66년의 세월을 뒤로하고, 배우 김영옥이 마주한 ‘홀로 남겨진 시간’의 무게 > K-wave Trends

Kim Young-ok appeared in front of the public again three weeks after her husband's death, but the daily life she shared was significantly different from before. The first noticeable change is the feeling of helplessness in front of the table. For her, who had taken for granted her husband's meals and eating together all her life, the empty table now became a space where even the ‘reason to eat’ had been erased. She honestly expressed the helplessness that came when her devotion to someone stopped. This goes beyond simply the issue of nutritional intake, and represents the deep sense of loss felt when one's role in caring for someone disappears. Despite the worried looks of those around her, she calmly said, ‘It’s not because I’m heartbroken, it’s because I’m not eating,’ but the emptiness contained in that dry answer actually hurts the hearts of those who see it even more.

The most heartbreaking part of her confession is the extremely personal pain of seeing a vision of her husband. 66 years is enough time for the traces of the other person to seep into every single cell of a person's life. She confessed that when she was alive, she kept seeing the back of her husband sitting on a chair and looking out the window, and that she felt as if it was her fault. This is in line with the ‘guilt of those left behind’ that those who have experienced bereavement often experience. Despite doing their best to care for and stay by their side, reliving the last moments of the departed person and blaming oneself is the heaviest burden that the person left behind must bear. The vision she feels is not a simple delusion, but may be part of the mourning process in which the brain projects longing while not yet accepting the reality that the person she shared her entire life has disappeared.

The relationship between Kim Young-ok and the late announcer Kim Young-gil started from their days in broadcasting class at Chung-Ang University, and was literally a movie-like narrative. For a couple who had been together for 66 years and had one son and two daughters after getting married in 1960, bereavement would have been a shock beyond the simple death of one person, like the collapse of the foundation of their lives. As a KBS announcer, the deceased was loved by the public for his neat and trustworthy image, and was Kim Young-ok's strong assistant and life partner. Looking at her husband, who passed away after a long struggle with illness, Kim Young-ok said that she had mentally prepared herself, but in the face of the impending separation, saying 'it's okay' seems to be nothing more than a defense mechanism to console herself. The helplessness of not even being able to read a book and not knowing what to do was enough to stop the daily life of an old actor who had lived his entire life intensely for a moment.

Nevertheless, Kim Young-ok did not ignore the warmth of fans and production staff who cared about her. She expressed her gratitude for the supportive comments and did not forget the warm consideration she gave to the staff who were unable to attend the meal for those who remained. This shows that the pain of loss she is experiencing is by no means a selfish sadness, and that she still has the will to communicate with the world. Her life, which does not stop taking on new challenges, such as throwing out the first pitch at the age of 90, is like a noble struggle in old age to continue daily life despite sadness. Although the gaping hole in her heart cannot be easily filled, she faces that loneliness in her own way and continues her life in silence.